No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service

Everyone has seen the a sign reading No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service displayed in a wide variety of business establishments. Usually ones that are involved in the preparation or selling of food. Today I discovered that the Laundromat that I frequent also has this sign hanging in the front window.

I agree with the principle, I mean who wants to walk into the Laundromat and find themselves across the machines from some 300 lb shirtless man with more hair on his back and front than any human should.

Two things confuse me though: who is going to enforce the no service rule. Since Laundromats are do it yourself establishments there is rarely someone official on the premises to enforce the rules.

Most importantly though what service will be denied. Service by definition is when someone does a task or job for you. Sure the machines are provided but no one at my Laundromat is washing my clothes for me.

Last time I checked there wasn't a host or hostess greeting me at the door. Inquiring as to how many loads were in my party and would I like them together or could they be separated for quicker access. No asked me if I wanted a washer with a window view. A soap steward was not provided who made his rounds offering various vintages of laundry detergent and fabric softener.

There are no professional folders visiting each customer offering various services. Sheet folding, sock collecting or shirt hanging. Nope no services provided.

So maybe next laundry visit I will go sans shirt and shoes to see what if anything happens.

On second thought that would not be a good idea because some smartass blogger might point out that I have too much hair on my torso.

arachnid

just before sunset
I caught a glimpse of a spider
outside of my living room window
spinning a web of deception
for all the world to see
I am told that
I loved her once
but for the life of me
when I think of her my mind goes blank
a calendar without days
one big black box
labeled today
I cannot remember a moment
of peace to be found
in the comfort of her arms
a sunset enjoyed
a word of praise
a dream shared on
a deserted beach
when I think of her
I see a face without features
I hear a voice without pitch
I sense a heart grown cold
and a soul without warmth
the life that once was
is now an emotional black hole
devouring the baggage
carried for so long
compressing the moments
into one anguished neutron
before the light is extinguished
for good

Cricket Murmur's

Sitting beside the open window I was enraptured by the sound of a thousand chirping crickets. In recent years with droughts and such it has seemed as if the cricket population had forever abandoned the Puddingstone Lake area. Tonight though, tonight I would swear they had never left. Which in the mysterious ways that my mind works led me to a meandering stroll down a trail of cricket trivia. For more than 2000 years crickets were an important part of Chinese society. They were raised for two reasons singing and fighting. I have often wondered what the sight of two crickets fighting was like and if they wore little insect size boxing gloves. In England the word cricket is associated with the game of crickets as much as or even more than the insect. The first reference to Cricket in writing was a short note concerning Prince Edward and friends playing in 1300. The first recorded cricket match was held in 1646. While the first match between counties took place in 1709. In 1883 the story of Pinocchio was first published in book form. Written by Carlos Collodi the original story is far different from later versions. Most amazingly in the original book has written by Collodi there is no happy ending, Pinocchio is hung for all of his misdeeds. The book also features a talking cricket who remained nameless through out the story. Sadly the talking cricket is killed when a frustrated Pinocchio steps on him. Not to be eliminated that easily the cricket comes back as a ghost and the conscience of our puppet hero. In 1940 the Disney adaptation was released. Considered a classic film the story was far different from the half century old original. The cricket now named Jiminy who becomes Pinocchio's conscience without being smashed first and of course the ending is a happy one as Pinocchio becomes a real boy. Hoagy Carmichael was a famous songwriter and performer born in 1899. He wrote such classics as "Stardust" and "Georgia On My Mind". In the movie "To Have and Have Not", the first pairing of Bogie and Bacall, he introduced the piano playing character of Cricket which he reprised in several other films. During the invasion of Normandy on D-Day cricket noismakers were used by paratroopers to signal each other when they jumped behind enemy lines. Finally the Crickets were the back up band to Buddy Holly who continued to tour and play long after Holly's tragic death in a plane crash.

Petrosexual

Asexual.

Hetrosexual.

Homosexual.

Metrosexual.

And now without further ado the latest, greatest urban label: PETROSEXUAL

No a petrosexual is not someone who has some weird fascination with petrol based products.

A petrosexual, according to the August 2005 Reader's Digest, is the label created to identify four legged feline and canine friends. Who, through no choice of their own belong to people with more cash than common sense and who use said cash to pamper and spoil their furry companions.

Anually more than $30,000,000,000.00 is spent clothing, tweezing, pedicuring and massaging Fido and Kitty. This figure does not include the basic needs such as food, water and shelter.

Thirty billion dollars on pets, while schools are falling apart, people worldwide are starving, the infastructures of major cities are in decay, hell if they have that much money to burn they could share some with me.

When did pets achieve the same status as trophy wives and sugar daddies?

I know I sound like an old coot but in my day we walked are dogs, watched our cats chase balls of yarn and gave them a good belly rub when we were feeling down. It never occured to us to play dress up with our animal friends.

Thirty billion dollars on pets, while schools are falling apart, people worldwide ar starving the infastructures of major cities are in decay, hell if they have that much money to burn they could Fedex some my way.

Where Have All The See Saws Gone

When I look at the playgrounds of today I see what was once a world filled with imagination being stifled by those who never had an imagination to begin with.


In my youth, and yes for you wise acres out there I can remember that far back. The playgrounds I visited always had a teeter totter; a rocket slide and a merry go round.

Today nary a one can be found.

In playgrounds and schoolyards across Southern California these classic toys of yesteryear have been discarded, tossed by the wayside of progress.

No more spinning around in circles until when you jump off the world feels as if it is going is going to fall off of its axis.

No more finding the right balance of kids to keep the teeter-totter in perpetual motion.

No more climbing into the metal rocket ship, battling space aliens and sliding down the slide in an emergency escape.

All have faded into the dusty memories of yesterday.

How did this happen?

Where has all the fun gone?

I imagine that like so many other events, fads and cool toys from my youth the slow glacial trend toward safe and sane toys and playgrounds has ground the joys of yesteryear into dust.

Now playgrounds are built without imagination. Like everything else in our society they have become cookie cutouts. Exact duplicates of the park on the next block, with the same trees, the same sidewalk even the same graffiti covering the bathroom walls.

Some claim that all of these changes are necessary to protect our children from bodily damage caused by this evil equipment. I for one just do not buy into this argument.

I am not saying that no kids were ever hurt on playground equipment. However, in my youth I cannot remember a single ER visit made by my family or friends due to injuries brought about by the diabolical teeter-totter or the conniving merry go round. Sure sometimes we ended up with bumps and bruises but we shook them off and kept on playing.

It is past time to bring imagination back to our youth. Give them a playground that stimulated them intellectually and physically and before long the electronic sounds of Nintendo will once again be replaced by the laughs and screams of our children rediscovering the joys of childhood.

Nietzsche

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Pachyderm Paranoia

Anyone who has spent any length of time living in a large, overpopulated urban area has experienced either peripherally or first hand gang warfare. Some people who do not know their history may believe that gangs are a modern curse created by our fast paced lifestyle. Of course those who think that are incorrect.

Gangs have been with us for ages. In Europe before mass immigration to America and here in the United States some immigrants joined gangs almost as soon as they left Ellis Island.

In Chicago there was Al Capone and everyone knows about the mafia in New York.

Those in the know had come to accept that as far as gangs go there was nothing new under the sun. Unfortunately they were wrong. Just when it was believed that gangs had reached the apex of evolution a wrench was thrown in the works.

Gangs have jumped species. They are no longer limited to human behavior.

According to experts gangs of angry pachyderms have been attacking people and villages in Asia and Africa. Various theories abound from overcrowding to post traumatic stress syndrome.

Whatever the root cause, the thought of an animal as large as an elephant chasing me down does not produce restful sleep, on the contrary it produces nightmares and not ones featuring pink elephants on parade.

My only advice is to be careful when walking alone at night, look over your shoulder and if you should happen to see a suspiciously wide telephone pole run. You never know what might be hiding behind it.