President Bush taking issue with America's reliance on middle eastern oil is akin to a corner drug distributer taking issue with his clients dependence on cocaine.

Why is that so many leaders of the "free world" feign surprise when after applying economic, military or political pressure to bring about a "democracy", the citizens of said "democracy" choose to exercise their rights and elect a government of their choosing?

Loss

Today, a good friend unexpectedly lost his mother. She lived with his brother and passed away in her sleep.

Why is it that when we want to hurt someone the words come fast and easy? We can feel empowered by them as the person our anger is directed cringes in shock and pain.

Yet when someone close to us experiences a loss words seem hollow even when the meaning behind them is sincere. Words of condolence seem to have no power, no strength, they leave us with a feeling of loss as if we should be doing more.

If any good can come out of her death it is the realization of how lucky I am.

Not that my mom having a terminal illness is lucky but with long term health issues comes time. Time for us to talk, to share, to say all that needs to be said so that when her time comes she nor I will be left with regrets.

Please remember Dominick and his family during this difficult time.

General Patton

I noticed him while waiting in line to place my order. Friday afternoon and the lunch rush was on. Usually, I eat lunch later to avoid the lines but circumstances left me without options.

He was elderly. Maybe seventy-five. Unshaven with a soiled baseball cap pulled low over his eyes. His jeans were worn and his sweater had definately seen better days. He appeared to be harmless but from the look in his eyes it was rather obvious that the elevator had not reached the top floor in many years.

Looking at the menu required focusing my attention in his direction which I immediately sensed was a mistake. He threw me a half-assed salute as if he knew me. Pretending not to see I returned my attention to the book I was reading until it was my time to order.

In looking for a free table I was not surprised to find the only one available was near my new friend. My fellow diners had picked up the same vibe as me and I appeared to be the loser in a grown game of musical chairs.

Dispensing my soda I sat at my table and returned to my book. Despite my best effort to lose myself in the pages I could hear shuffling behind me and knew without looking I would soon have company.

With a quiet sigh I looked up to find him standing before me, with a hoarse whisper he asked if he could join me. When I did not immediately respond he removed a picture of an elderly woman sitting on Santa's lap, set it beside me and walked away.

I vainly tried to decipher his intentions without success. Moments later he returned, stood at attention before me and this time threw me a rather crisp salute.

"May I join you General Patton sir."

Glancing around I failed to find who he was addressing until much to my chagrin I realized it was me. Left without options, my choice was to be rude or to humor him. Choosing to humor him I allowed him to join me in hopes he would grow bored and leave.

Than I made the mistake of coughing.

"General sir, are you ill? Why are you coughing?"

I mumbled that I had bronchitis.

"Are you still smoking general?"

"No I do not smoke. I have never smoked. You have me confused with someone else."

"But general what about the lung cancer, I told you stop smoking or it will kill you."

Exasperated but in control I informed my friend that he was confused. I did not have cancer. I never smoked and that he was confusing me with someone else.

"He looked at me as if he had lost his best friend. General I don't know why you are doing this. You know me. You know my girlfriend in this picture." He pointed at the woman on Santa's lap. "You dressed as Santa for this picture. You know she lives right across the way."

With that he gave me a look of disgust. He picked up his picture and without a word walked out the door.

Needless to say in the future I will return to avoiding the lunch hour rush.

Nobody's Puppet

i am not a puppet
no gipetto controls my strings
no one tells me when to jump
i've never asked how high
those who orbit the boundaries
of this world i call life
could never understand
each sacrifice i make
they sit upon
their ivory thrones
passing judgement
without facts
watching through the window
of a suburbian tv screen
unable to see the forest
through a sea of viagra ads
it is said that life
can be a roller coaster
lots of hills
a thousand screams
it is said that discretion
without valor
is a worthless gesture
in a two cent world
yet despite the jeers
of the hissing crowd
gathered for the drawing
of aged innocent blood
their will be no sacrifice
no lamb on a broadway stage
an audience left
with disappointment
should beware
of that which is free
i will do my mourning
amongst the grease paints
in the shadows
of an early fall
a character actor
without a script
left to recite soliloquies
in the dark

Systematic Rollercoaster

My body at this point on Sunday night has no idea what has hit it. I am quite sure that my brain has thrown up its metaphorical hands shouting - Who know's what the hell he wants. All because of a bit of pneumonia, a bit of bronchial inflammation and a large dose of anxiety.

For day to day maintanence of my breathing issues I use an Advair inhaler. Helps with long term breathing issues and for me at least has little or no effect on my anxiety which of course is a good thing.

However, when hit with a combination of pneumonia and bronchial inflammation the breathing issues can rise to crisis levels with wheezing commencing on short walks from the computer to the kitchen.

On those occaisons the big guns have to be brought in, those being puffs of Albuterol which is designed for crisis mode. Problem is that Albuterol and anxiety do not play well together and I am quite sure that they do not even like each other.

If anxiety is high even before the introduction to the mix of Albuterol I am left with little choice but to follow the puffs of Albuterol with a Xanex chaser. Which is the point when my brain say - what the #@$% are you doing to me.

Albuterol is steroid based and hypes up the nervous system at least it does for me. While Xanex is for calming the nerves when one is in the middle of a anxiety attack.

With a little imagination one can easily see the problem. Steroids hit the system and it is all systems go as the body absorbs the medication. Than just when the launch is set to go the countdown is stopped as Xanex is added to the mix. Now the systems are in standby mode and no part of the body knows where to turn.

Sometimes the Albuterol kicks butt and the anxiety comes in waves. Other times the Xanex holds its own and I survive the onslaught. Last night was a four puff night. Tonight is looking the same.

So if anyone reading this detects a virtual scream ignore it. That would be me losing my mind.

Lone Pine

footprints in the snow
solitary, left by one
still there
sitting on an old tree
embracing solitude
thinking, observing
as moonlight
appears and disappears
chasing star dust
through the trees
a stream
frozen over
running water
gurgles beneath the ice
a lone coyote
tracking dinner
nose to the snow
around her log
life continues
nature
never wavers
despite
her confusion
her search
for peace
within
without
yesterday
a grab bag
scrambled joy
seasoned with sorrow
today
a potpourri
confusion scented
with hope and promise
tomorrow
unknown, unpredictable
a blink
in time
before tomorrow
becomes yesterday
dreams
become fact
hearts heal
behind
walls of protection

rising
she breathes deep
ice crystals
tickle her skin
halfway
to the parking lot
beneath a rock
oddly shaped
she hides
a key, with a
note attached
if found
please return
to owner
be gentle
the heart is scarred
tender, and raw
can be found
roaming
the planet
in a quiet search
for answers
to questions
yet unknown