The One Who Got Away

Memories of her had never quite left, they hid themselves in some dark quiet corner of his mind only to come bursting into the light when he least expected it.

Standing in a crowded elevator. Listening to office gossip when behind the voices his ears picked out a poorly recorded muzac version of "Desperado". He came close to tearing up when he realized that he had never come to his senses and let her love him.

Sitting in the stands at Chavez Ravine enjoying a Dodger game. When the seventh inning stretch begins and the first notes of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" are heard coming from the organ. The sound of 25,000 fans singing shoots him back to 1988 and game two of the world series against the A's. If he closes his eyes he can almost feel her hand in his, comfortable and warm. The music, the smells and his own memory almost convince him that when he opens his eyes she will be back at his side. His eyes open only to find a 65-year-old plumber from La Palma doing "the wave".

Lying on the couch one night using the remote to race around the dial. News, comedies, drama's nothing catches his eye. He stops suddenly sure that he recognizes the movie being shown. Two men, one in street clothes one in an old-fashioned baseball uniform are playing catch. He was right. It was one of his favorite scenes from "Field of Dreams". She had taken him to see it on the big screen for his birthday knowing how much he loved sports and movies. Sitting with her after the movie they had discussed the flood of memories the movie had brought out. Pick up games and little league. Baseball cards and Dodger games. For him the movie had captured his youth and preserved it for him. But now watching the ending he found himself crying not for the father and son on the screen but for himself and the mistakes he had made.

Now in the wisdom that only came with age and experience he could see what he had lost when he allowed his head to get in the way of his heart. She had loved him unconditionally and she made her choices based on that love and her belief that they would share forever together. She even accepted a scholarship to USC rather than Ohio State so she could be near him.

He on the other hand began to close doors as fast as she had opened them. He loved her but even though he was older he lacked her maturity. He was afraid. He was afraid of what he might miss if he settled down. He was afraid of the responsibility that she represented. Most of all he was afraid of that look in her eyes that said more than her words ever could.

So he ran. He hid. He cheated. And in the end he lost. While her love was strong and never ending her backbone prevented her from being a doormat. She took him to dinner at their favorite restaurant Ruby's at the end of the Balboa Pier. There they sat on the roof in the comfortable silence that only lover's seem to enjoy, sipping wine and watching the sunset into the Pacific.

He looked into her eyes and without her saying a word he knew he had stepped over the line one to many times. She took his face in her hands and gently kissed his lips one last time. She stood, turned and walked away without looking back. He would never see her again, the one who got away.