Left Behind (revisited)

He found her heart sitting upon a bench in Golden Gate Park.
Where the one before him had left it.
When he first saw it sitting there
it was hardly recognizable.
Somewhat tattered,
its edges caught up in the breeze coming off San Francisco Bay
for a moment it seemed her heart would soar away,
a kite with nothing left to celebrate.
As he drew closer he saw through the dust and neglect,
he saw the beauty hidden beneath the pain.
Within his chest he could feel his own heart
crying out with primeval sorrow
at the damage done to this unique and fragile flower.
Upon reaching the bench
he discovered that her heart was trembling,
crying tears of what might have been.
He longed to reach out
but he was afraid that her heart in this state
would turn to ash
that the ashes would dance with the wind
only to be scattered upon the rocks of Alcatraz.
So, removing the bandages protecting his own damaged heart
he offered them to her.
Gently he with tender loving care
wrapped her heart and placed it in her weary hands.
Smiling, she softly kissed his, own still fragile heart.
And as she disappeared into the fog
she left but one word behind,
"maybe".

January 10th is the one year anniversery of Murmur's birth. A big thank you to everyone who has ever left behind their footprints or peaked through the window for a moment to see what was going on. Every visit long or short is appreciated.

Today through Monday I decided to revisit my four personal favorites from the past year. Todays repeat Left Behind oringinally appeared 2/29/04. It first appeared as an essay of sorts but I chose to repost it as a poem.

Inside

As he reviewed the passing years
He found his labor had built a wall
Designed by him to hide the pain
Protect his heart from the fall
He believed love was an illusion
Eroded by a million tears
A hideous monster under his bed
The legend behind all his fears
Love on the horizon caused him to run
Hide in the darkness nowhere to go
Embrace the emptiness
Of the seeds he sowed
Even his marriage was a fallacy
A barren, tainted loveless thing
Built upon empty sex
And a tarnished silver ring
With no foundation it could not last
Without faith there was no chance
His love was built upon rocks of sorrow
Hers upon fantasy and romance
He through himself off the bridge
Into a sea of empty affairs
Cold ones, bitter ones
Empty hearts nothing shared…

Until the morning something changed
His heart was thawing he was scared
Somewhere hidden deep inside
He found himself beginning to care
About a woman
About her life
What made her laugh
What made her cry
Along with the feelings
Came bottomless fear
Of losing her
His soul drowning in tears
Of not knowing what tomorrow will bring
Rainbows of happiness
Or sorrows sting…

XIII Murmur's

I: If time travel was possible and you were presented the opportunity to witness one historical event which moment in time would you choose (changing history not allowed)?

Observing the building of the pyramids.

II: Again, if time travel was possible and you were presented the opportunity to witness one historical event for pure entertainment which event would you choose?

Being in the audience during the performance of one of Shakespeare’s plays with the bard himself.

III: What moment in human history was most likely influenced by beings from another planet if in fact they existed?

Visitors most likely would have influenced the evolution of man from lone scavengers to living in small communities.

IV: If you were provided the opportunity to ask one and only one question of an historical figure what would your question be?

I would ask Homer what influenced him during the writing of the Iliad and the Odyssey.

V: If you had the ability to give life to one fictional character whom would it be and why?

Atticus Finch from To Kill a Mockingbird, I believe he is the example of a simple man with honor and integrity that stood for what was right not what was convenient regardless of the personal cost.

VI: If you had the opportunity to share one toe curling, goose bump creating, soul burning kiss with one famous person whom would you choose?

Myrna Loy.

VII: You are about to lose one of your five senses, however you may choose which one to sacrifice. Which sense would you choose?

For me of the five senses I would choose taste.

VIII: If you were provided the opportunity to prune a branch or event from your family tree what would you choose?

I would prune the alcoholism that has damaged at least three generations of my father’s family.

IX: If you could wish one human invention out of existence what would you choose.
Cell phones.

X: If you could resurrect one product that is no longer being manufactured or reopen one store or restaurant that no longer exists what would you choose?

I would bring back Bob’s Beef Burgers, which used to be located on the corner of Second Avenue and Huntington Drive in Arcadia. The burgers there were so good that In & Out would have never stood a chance.

XI: Which of the following four great events of exploration would you have chosen to accompany? Magellan’s circumnavigating of the globe. Crossing the Atlantic with Christopher Columbus. Crossing the United States with Lewis and Clark. Joining Neil Armstrong on the moon.

I would have chosen to accompany Lewis and Clark. It would be amazing to see the US in an unblemished state.

XII: If you were stranded on a desert island for the rest of your life and you only had the ingredients for preparing the same meal everyday what would you choose?

Boysenberry jam and margarine sandwiches would be my food of choice.

XIII: When ever people debate reincarnation believers always claim to have been someone famous in a past life. Eliminating the famous who would you have liked to have been in a past life?

An Irish monk whose job it was to transcribe the great works of Europe during the dark ages.


I felt like for at least a day I needed a change of pace so I came up with the above questions. If you would like to answer any or all of them in the comment section please do. If you would like to borrow them for your own blog just remember to credit where you got them.

But Then You

I never quite understood my fear
Of being someplace, someplace like here
My heart stood tall, always proud
No tears, I never cried aloud

But then you
You found the key to my atrophied heart
Where confusion had all but torn it apart
My mind thought cut your losses and run
My soul felt romance might be fun
So there I sat on a cold, damp night
Struggling and remaining true to the fight
Then I remembered how I used to be
Standing proud my spirit flying free
There was some pain a bit of sorrow
I hated today and I feared tomorrow
My heart though was cold, bitter and empty
With emotions I believed it was smart to be thrifty
I laughed at fools who believed in love
I was better I always rose above

But then you
You showed my a warmer life
Where love was not a synonym for strife
With you I learned to laugh and cry
With you I knew life’s reasons why
Why I should believe in love
You dusted my dreams, my visions of
Of a love filled with chance
Of warm hearted romance
I thought someday it would be you and me
That the whole world would come to see
They would see the girl I saw in you
They would see the heart I knew was true

But then you
You walked away
I fought back tears I prayed you’d stay
Though you walked, I have to say
Thank you for the lessons gave
Thank you for the heart you saved
The gift of love, the gift of tears
The gift of laughter, forgotten fears
Most of all thank you for the memories shared
And the bittersweet joy of once having cared

Momdate January 3, 2005

For those who have only recently discovered and/or dropped by Murmur's I have been doing periodic updates concerning my mother who was diagnosed with cancer for the third time in September of '04. Her first two battles with the big C involved breast cancer. Her most recent diagnosis was one of bone cancer. In short the cancer has spread through out a large percentage of her bone structure but fortunately at this time does not appear to have spread beyond. With the large influx of cancer cells there was no specific chemo that would help her. Her treatment so far has involved injections of hormones and a drug designed to halt the spread of the disease.

Beginning this week she will be undergoing roughly twenty days of radiation treatment. The primary goal of the radiologist is to reduce the amount of pain she is in due to the bone decay in her lower back. The doctor's are hoping for up a 70% reduction of pain within the lower back.

Less pain would be a godsend for her. My mom has always been a very active woman and she has reluctantly begun to curtail her activities due to the pain and the high level of pain medication she is on. Any reduction in the level of her pain will greatly increase the quality of her life, which at this time is the most important goal.

Plea

Long sleepless nights
Endless days
Another lost moment
No more left to say
Hollow empty feelings
Deeply troubled souls
Falling through the cosmos
Unable to pay the tolls
Psychedelic colors
Blinded to the light
Grasping for a missing moon
Snatched in bitter twilight
Nothing left to be done
Missing the solution
Buckets of alien solvent
Erase the mind pollution
No more friends of earth
No one left to talk to
Forgotten now the guiding voice
No angels left to run to
Demons know the answer
To what were going through
Crucifixion of the saviors
Martyrdom of the saints
Prophesies in graffiti
Left in blood and paint

River

Across Riverside Road
The Colorado River flows
Its blue water's
No longer reaching the sea
From the multipaned window
Observing is no longer possible
Water untamed
Blocked by the arrival
of another house
People roam
The gritty asphalt
Chasing mad dogs and tumbleweeds
Enraptured by the power plant
Smoke stacks and man made clouds
Never considering
What once was
Before progress conquered the river