34 and counting down

this morning begins day 34 of the 7 day road trip.

34 days........

i never expected or planned to be gone this long.

there have been many adventures both excellent and disapointing.

i have changed in ways i never imagined nor expected.

i have been inspired by some people i have met and left in fear for the future of the human race by others.

i have come to realize that what may good for others is not good for me. come hell or high water i have to leave los angeles for both my health and my sanity.

and cristian, cristian has changed more than i thought possible in such a short period of time. he has become more of a 13 year old. which as any parent knows can be a good thing and a bad thing. in my eyes it is all good because he appears to be enjoying life for the first time in a long, long time.

today is day 34 and we are only 3 to 4 days away from returning to la.

from returning to bad air made worse by raging brush fires less than 30 miles from my home.

from returning to all the stresses and issues that have contributed to my anxiety and panic disorder.

from returning to overpriced homes and over crowded freeways.

yet though as recently as a few days ago i dreaded this moment, i know now that i am ready. i refuse to take steps back. returning to medication and half living.

i know it will be hard but i also know that surrender is not an option. that i am stronger than i realize and that i will get my butt out of hell before the devil even knows i am there.