Lover's Anonymous

“Hi my name is Mike and I have a problem.”

Various Hi Mikes, what’s up Mikes and other greetings ran the gamut around the meeting room in the basement of the First Church of God.

“I am an addict.”

Mike was interrupted once again this time by an eruption of “aren’t we all brother”.

Before he became to flustered a voice from the back shouted, “Shut up and let the man speak”. Gradually the room grew quiet once again.

“I am an addict and I am addicted to Michelle. I have been seeing her off and on for five years now and I just cannot seem to make a clean break no matter how damaging the relationship has become.

We met at my place of work. I was her supervisor. I knew it would be unethical to date her but I was like a bug attracted to a bug zapper I had to investigate the source of the light even if it killed me.

I was seeing a very sweet girl at the time and even the thought of her being hurt did not stop me from flirting with Michelle. I would find excuses through out the day to wander by her workstation for a quick hello. Who am I kidding I went by her desk to check her out, smell her perfume and bathe in her aura for a few minutes.

The flirting remained innocent for several weeks, until one day we were wrapped up in a debate. I swore I was right, she was sure that she was. We ended up betting dinner on the outcome. Five years later it really is not important who won, what matters is that I broke a date with my girlfriend to see Michelle.

We ended up down at the beach. We had a quick dinner and spent some time talking and walking barefoot through the wet sand. When we returned to the parking lot, Michelle quite unexpectedly threw her arms around me and we shared a most spectacular kiss. When she finally came up for air I gave her a somewhat questioning look. Not because I was displeased but because I was not used to a woman being quite so aggressive.

She looked at me with her beautiful brown eyes and said simply, I waited too long for you to ask me out and I was not about to wait for you to get around to kissing me so I took matters into my own hands.

I put off the inevitable for a few days but I finally got around to breaking up with my girlfriend to devote my time to Michelle.

When we began dating everything was perfect. I felt like an angel spending all of my time on cloud nine. Our relationship progressed both physically and emotionally and it was not long before I was nothing more than a fly trapped in the spider’s web.
We talked about love, we briefly discussed marriage but for the most part she spent time with me and I became addicted to her.

I had never been the clingy type; space was always something I claimed for myself but suddenly, without warning the shoe was on the other foot. Michelle still said all of the right words but her behavior became a reflection of someone I had yet to meet.

I knew that she liked to party, Michelob was her favorite beer. Personally I thought it tasted nasty but guess what I began drinking just to keep her happy.

Like a Baptist church on Sunday the audience erupted with a loud Michelob in place of the amen’s.

That’s right Michelob became my beer of choice. Where ever we went from Vegas to the beach a cooler of Michelob could be found in the trunk of my car.

Before long she began making plans on Friday or Saturday that were not for us, plans that were just for her. Spending time with the girls she would say. I being the sap that I had become never questioned, never inquired just said yes dear and spent the weekend waiting by the phone in the vane hope that she would call.

When I was included I was in for the shock of my somewhat sheltered life. Michelle had begun experimenting with drugs. Not just pot, but cocaine and she was even beginning to freebase. I tried to dissuade her from this path but she refused to listen. She as she put it was a big girl and if I did not like the direction she was driving I could just get out of the car.

At that point I came to realize two important facts about our relationship and who we were as individuals. Michelle was a drug addict, she could not, would not walk away from the thrill she got from being high. And I, I was addicted to Michelle and I could not, would not walk away from the thrill I got from being with her.

Time passed. Her drug habit grew worse and our time together was reduced over the intervening months. She still claimed to love me even though it was apparent to everyone but me that her love for nose candy was far greater. I on the other hand could not bear to be without her. I would call and leave her countless messages. I could not sleep. My work suffered. I was a wreck.

Several times I attempted to break things off but she would tear up and beg me to say. Claiming I was the only rock she could depend on. She would promise to change. Of course like all addicts including myself, promises to change are nothing but piecrust promises. Easily made and easily broken.

Our life together began to follow a rather sad, pitiful routine. During the week she would fight the good fight and stay away from her party partners. We would spend some quality time together and everything would seem to be on the road of improvement. Than the weekend arrived. She would disappear and I would find myself waiting by the phone praying that she was alright. Hoping the phone would ring and dreading it all the same.

By Sunday night she would be so strung out that I would check her into a motel room to sleep it off. Not wanting her parents or my roommates to see her in her current Monday morning condition.

Finally, this past week the dam broke and I could not take anymore. Saturday at three in the morning I looked in the mirror. I was unshaven, had bloodshot eyes, an acidy stomach, what had become obvious to everyone else had finally become painfully apparent to me. I was a wreck. I needed help.

I found the ad for Lover’s Anonymous in the yellow pages and here I am. My name is Mike and I am an addict.