Missing

Ten years faded from memory before he realized how much she had loved him and how much he had lost by letting her go.

They had met in passing. She was moving out of her parent’s home to share an apartment with the woman he had been seeing. The boyfriend’s had done the actual moving while the girls set up shop. Late in the evening they shared a pizza, sipping beer, laughing at the usual couple stories.

When the box held only crumbs and the bottles were empty the trash was gathered and goodbye’s were exchanged a moment passed where he made eye contact with her, nothing more, nothing less. Somehow, someway in that moment it was understood that maybe not today, nor tomorrow but someday they would be together.

He was cynical, recently divorced. Owner of a heart damaged and scarred by recent events in his life, he was keeping it together with masking tape and super glue.

She was headstrong and knew what she wanted from life. Knew what she wanted in a man.

Despite their respective ongoing interaction with their main squeezes they began developing a friendship. Working in the same office building helped. Often times they found themselves sharing a laugh over quickie lunches at the local fast food joint. Rumors be damned they never crossed the line as both of them prized loyalty amongst the traits they looked for in others.

Their current relationships were as someone once said merely ships passing in the night. Nothing permanent, nothing sacred and before long they ran aground her boyfriend left for the navy his girlfriend simply grew apart from him.

Despite the opportunity they did not jump into a relationship. They hung out. Saw movies. Walked the beaches of Orange County. Grew comfortable together.

The first kiss was not planned nor expected. They were hanging out in his apartment. A pillow fight, led to a tickle fight, which somehow in the midst of the laughter became a serious moment, that first kiss was soft, warm, gentle but filled with passion.

Suddenly warmth blossomed into passion. Friends grew into lovers. Day to day opened up into a kaleidoscope of possible futures.

This tale however is not the story of their love but of how he lost her.

Cynicism reared its ugly head despite how happy he was. He began to question his feelings, to doubt her feeling, to wallow in the pain of his past rather than embrace the opportunity that was the here and now.

They broke up because of his inability to commit to a future beyond today. She was not moving on, just stepping aside to allow him a chance to breathe.

He dated. She waited.

When the inevitable happened and the next girl down the line kicked him in the teeth she was there to pick up the pieces, stitch up his heart and dry his drunken tears. She never questioned, never complained. She was first and foremost his friend regardless of her personal feelings.

After the second or third time though she began to feel a bit like yesterdays news, still important but not necessarily worthy of the front page.

She began dating again and he barely noticed. He was in lust with someone else. Someone who led him down many a rocky road and left his soul gasping for air. Each time he needed a friendly shoulder he called her she was still there for him. Not expecting anything just being the friend she had always been.

In order to pry himself away from the medusa who had turned him to stone he moved further away from the job and from her.

He managed to break away from the tragedy his life had become but he still failed to see the tree through the forest. She was there sweeping the pieces of his life into a dust pan and he was perusing the horizon for the next opportunity. Never noticing the tear in her eye or the catch in her throat.

Despite all he did and all he failed to do she still cared, she still loved him. He was finding living alone to be a difficult prospect. Insomnia set in and he began to suffer horrible nightmares. Without his asking she began making the hour drive after work each day. She would sit with him. Watch television take his mind off what awaited him behind his eyes. When he was ready for bed she would hold him until sleep finally found him. No matter the hour, no matter how long it took. When she was sure he was in a deep sleep she would let herself out and make the long drive home, alone.

Finally, she realized that rather through lack of maturity or from the early onset of a cynical heart he was never going to appreciate the love she nurtured for him. She chose to lock away that piece of her heart that was forever his and move on rather than suffer the pain of his proximity.

They were still friends, they still talked but a wall was being built brick by brick. She met someone and though he did not spark her in the same way he was steady, he was mature and he loved her unconditionally.

She told him on a Sunday as they sat watching an early fall sunset. I am getting married six months from today I need to move on with my life. She half expected, half hoped he would stop her, proclaim his love and carry off into the twilight. It never happened though. He listened with that maddening stoic way of his. Wished her a happy life and let her go forever. Never realizing that he was missing the opportunity to embrace the one true honest love he had ever known or would ever know.

As she drove off he sat in the in the sand wistfully writing lyrics in the sand that the tide would soon wash away forever.