Anxiety disorder is never fun. For those who are blessed to have lived their lives without experiencing the sheer terror of a panic attack consider yourselves fortunate. Not only do the panic attacks themselves suck the bigger issue though is the scars left behind if they begin to occur on a regular basis.
My anxiety issues began innocently enough. An odd panic attack scattered over period comprising several years. When they are that random the signs are difficult to recognize and if not severe are often ignored.
Once they begin to flare up on a regular basis the whole process is turned on its ear. Every odd heartbeat, catch in the throat, stressful moment has to be examined. Which in and of itself can become a trigger as the mind is always focusing on the possible arrival of a panic filled situation.
The odd part at least for me is how the rational and irrational become two separate voices in my head during an attack. Similar to those old cartoons where an angel and a devil would appear on a characters shoulders offering conflicting advice.
The rational mind will stand back and tell you to chill out, we can deal with this, over active anxiety is all we are dealing with it to will pass.
The irrational on the other hand is running around screaming hitting every alarm. Blood pressure up, heart rate up, trembling limbs obvious and fear of death overwhelming. In severe cases the irrational always wins.
Personally I have been in the ER with an attack and found myself apologizing to the staff saying I know it is a panic attack and I am going to feel real stupid when it passes. Without exception I have been told you would feel even worse if it was a heart attack and you had not come in.
When, as in my case, they are severe enough, they can lead to agoraphobia. My fear of panicking in a public place keeps me away from certain activities. I stay away from big crowds. Eat dinner early if I am out. Go to matinees at the movie theater. The one place I have no problem visiting is a bookstore. I can ignore the crowds and lose myself in words.
Usually meditation is one of the key tools used in dealing with anxiety. In my case meditation has been a failure, primarily due to ongoing lung problems, which I have posted on many times.
On my worst days even words escape me though. I find that my mind is spinning so quickly I cannot even concentrate on the book in hand. I have gone from averaging a book a week to a book every two and a half weeks.
By far the medication that works best for me is Xanex, which is also the most addictive, and therefore the most dangerous. Especially for someone such as myself whose family tree is full of various addicts, therefore Xanex is my rainy day medicine taken only when all else fails. For most people .25 mg is enough. In my case a normal panic attack responds to .50 but a severe attack requires 1 mg., Which is enough to knock a normal person back for 24 hours.
As far as daily medicine I have tried most and Paxil CR seems to work best for me. A few months back it was recalled because the CR (controlled release) part was not working properly. At the time it was not a problem as its effectiveness in my case had begun to wane. I switched to Zoloft, which was a big mistake. So a month ago I switched back to Paxil CR. It is not perfect but better than anything else I have tried.
It was no problem at first but now it appears that the factory has not kept up with demand since reproduction began. No one has any. I do not want to revisit the old crew as none did the job. So basically I have to bite the bullet until the problem is solved. I have some semi generic stuff that does not work as well.
Which leaves me with Xanex as my best friend, on a desperate search for Xanex and considering where in the world I can go that is less stressful than LA.
Any suggestions?
4 weeks ago
