Monday, May 29, 2006

In Memoriam

Darrell Wayne Brueckner
Darrell Samual Brueckner
Dolores Finn Brueckner
Grandma Finn
Jay Ray Hunter
Scott Hunter
Peggy Hunter
Tommy Hunter
Arthur Herman Pankopf
Elda Virginia Spelta Pankopf
Maude Pankopf
Waldo Spelta
Pearl Spelta
Eligio Spelta
Julie Spelta
Bobby Spelta
Vera Spelta
Adrianna Spelta
Mary Spelta Denton
Harold Denton
Maria Scribanti Spelta
William Boardman
Keith and Norma
Norm Banns
Don "Moose"
David Smith
Jim "Hawk" Organ
Lee Tisdale
Barbara Moss
Peter Becker

The loved ones of all who pass through this page.

And of course all of the service men and women who have given their lives in the service of their country.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

late night thoughts......

things i miss:

my grandmother's snoring. she could vibrate the paint off a battleship with her snores but they were comforting in their own way.

the scent of camel's on my grandfather's clothes. not very politically correct to miss the scent of what probably killed him. yet i cannot think of the man without the remembering how his clothes smelled.

the smell of open liquer bottles behind the bar at the elk's lodge. the only time i ever really spent with my stepfather was helping him bartend various events. could not stand the taste of the contents but the smell of an open bottle still reminds me of him.

waking up to the smell of fresh brewed coffee. not a coffee drinker myself. if i need a caffine fix it comes from a soda bottle. yet whenever i am visiting my mom i wake up to the smell of her fresh brewed coffee.

and finally, the scent of strawberry perfume on an 18 year old hostess i crushed on too many years ago to count. obviously my tastes in fragrances over the years have changed yet the smell of fresh strawberries brings me back to the cask and cleaver and a hostess two years older than me to whom i could barely stammer out a hello.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

mayo on rye

life in scottsdale was full of adventure and new experiences.

you have not lived until a balding, chunky, sweaty, twenty-something man shaves your chest. that being said it beat having the hair ripped out by ekg tabs taped to the skin.

i am sure that somewhere near half the population would be thrilled if a succesful doctor gestured to them and said come have a seat next to my desk big boy. in my case he was the wrong sex and type.

watched a condo tower being built beside a concrete canal with the selling point being billed as waterfront property. the canal is about thirty feet across at best. shockingly at least to me each unit was selling for a million plus and they were almost all sold.

ordering a cheeseburger from a usually reliable diner and finding much to my surprise that their idea of a cheeseburger was cold cheese added along with the other condiments.

with all of the above excitemet it is a wonder that i actually found time to visit the mayo and go through the testing process.

i was poked and prodded by the best of them. bloodwork, pulmonary function test, cardiac stress test, ct scans of the sinuses and lungs, exploration of the nasal cavities and ear canals by a doctor actually wearing one of those silver discs on his forehead.

ten days and who know's how many thousands of dollars later this is what i know.

my heart is healthy, no blockage etc so no immediate risk of heart attack.

sinuses and ear canal's are good.

oxygen levels low normal but overall not horribly bad.

lungs clear of any horrible disease.

diagnosis: asthma and chronic bronchitis aggrevated by severe anxiety and stress.

solution: reduce stress and move someplace with cleaner air.

surgery would have been easier.

speaking of which. when i returned home i was having a great deal of abdominal pain. after another visit to the doctor i was informed that i have developed a ventral hernia which requires surgery. it is 10 cm long by 3 cm wide. the cause of such hernias chronic coughs.

at least it will give me something else to blog about.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Vacant Throne

Life has been busy here in the land of the throne.

Running around to the various doctors, hospitals and testing facilities that I have visited since April of 2003. Collecting records, x-rays, phone numbers all required for a visit to the Mayo Clinic.

I also made a run to Palmdale which is northwest of Los Angeles to exchange cars with my brother. My beloved 1977 Blue Cadillac Coup de Ville is now in his garage where he can do what I was never able and that is restore it to its original glory. He has other cars so the blue bomber can receive all the tlc it deserves.

In return I drove off in his 1995 Neon. Value wise I got the best part of the deal. Family history and sentiment wise he got the best end of the deal.

It became necessary though when I calculated that just driving to Scottsdale and back would cost almost two hundred dollars. Leaving me to choose between a roof over my head or a meal in my stomach while going through all of the testing. This way I don't have to choose I can have cracker's and a bed.

I leave in the morning and the throne will be vacant for a minimum of five days maybe longer if I run into extended testing or treatment.

If I am lucky when I return I will have found some answers to the health issues that have been dogging me for so long.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

fishing

sometimes i feel as if i am a fish out of water. i watch the world around me rushing around filled with self important ideas to explain their frenzy. never stopping to smell a rose. never stooping to put their hands in the soil and feel the earth. more interested in strip malls, shopping malls, movie theaters, traffic jams. anything the steps between self and communication with another human being. what twist of fate landed me in a land where i feel more and more out of step. where isolation has become second nature. where a sunset is just a divider between night and day. hurry up and go here. hurry up and go there. never stop. never contemplate. be careful you might discover another human with real ideas. someone that will actually understand you for who you are.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

lake no more

random formations of
migrating geese
circled the lake
honking in tune
to a song
only the geese
could here
attempting to communicate
their story
their history
of the generations
born and reared
on the shores
of a lake
no longer home
mud flats
catfish bones
crows searching for
forgotten tidbits
of flesh
the geese sing
of sadness
of the loss of their home
of the future
that may not be

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

mia

i have not been posting as often as i would like.

prepping for my trip to the mayo clinic. which will lead to more days without blogging as i will not have computer access while in Arizona. dealing with doctor's here. being tortured by a sadistic chiropractor have all eaten into my days.

plus my muse seems to have gone mia herself. many times i have sat before the computer or a blank piece of paper. seed of an idea caught up in a whirlwind with my mind. yet nothing falls to the paper. the storm disipates. thunder and lightening passes me by.

maybe i am preoccupied with the tests and all. this to will pass i am sure. if not i am going to have to find me a new muse who keeps better hours.