No Weather Here

Being a weatherman or woman in Southern California has to be one of the most embarrassing positions in the weather community. Los Angeles may have movie studios, beaches, the Hollywood Bowl and countless other attractions. The job of weatherperson in the LA market must come with quite a few perks. Though no amount of extras can eliminate the pure shame one would feel sitting around the bar with fellow meteorologists at the national convention listening to the adventures of ones colleagues and dreading the arrival of your turn to share.

How could any self-respecting weatherperson from Los Angeles hope to follow any of the following weather moments?

Florida weatherperson: during Hurricane Ivan I found myself broadcasting from the center of town. During my voiceover I explained that cleanup had barely begun from the last hurricane when we were about to be hit by another one. The roads were empty and all of the storefronts were boarded up in anticipation of 20 inches of rain and winds exceeding 100 miles per hour. As the fury of the storm increased my cameraman and I both tied ourselves to trees in order to keep bringing up to date information to the station and anyone who might still be able to receive our broadcast. We fought the storm for what seemed like hours until the eye of the storm passed overhead and our producer finally ordered us to get the hell out of Dodge.

New England weatherperson: during one 24 hour period last winter a blizzard dumped over 30 inches of snow on and around the community where my station is located. My cameraperson and I were providing live shots from various locations around the town. In between live broadcasts we helped the highway patrol and other agencies dig people and their cars out of snow banks and mud holes. At one point the station reported that while they could hear my voice over the picture we were providing was basically all white due to the fury of the storm.

Oklahoma weatherperson: in tornado alley we had six devastating tornados within a weeks time. My cameraperson and I found ourselves chasing twisters all over the southern half of the state. At one point we were tailing a tornado when without warning it reversed direction and began chasing us. We fled for our lives and soon found ourselves huddled under an overpass with several carloads of people as the tornado passed overhead. Carrying with it a tractor and two cars that had been abandoned by their owners.

Los Angeles weatherperson: if any moisture falls from the sky anywhere in Southern California my producer sends me out in a yellow slicker and I have to remind everyone that we are under storm watch 200-. Last week for instance we had three inches of rain over a forty-eight hour period and my voice over was required to express concern that another even bigger storm was heading our way before the clean up from the last storm had begun. All the while I am standing their looking like a big yellow doofus with no real weather to report.

The only consolation has to be that by the time the laugher dies down everyone else feels so sorry for you that you do not have to buy another drink the rest of the night.