intimidation

rumors of me leaving the digital world of blogging for the old fashioned world of hand written journals are greatly exaggerated. i for one can barely decipher my own handwriting which would leave me with entries that i could not read with no clue as to what i was thinking. than there was the practicality of snail mailing copies of the journal entries to interested parties. the cost alone would have left me wanting in the finance department. not to mention the blow to my ego when no one wanted a copy.

in reality i have been fighting through a bit of writer's block and a whole lot of intimidation.

the writer's block has been riding my back sucking my imagination dry for almost two months now. as evidenced by my very inconsistant postings. an entry followed by days of silence. hours spent avoiding the creative process. finding any excuse not to write or even attempt to write. i had nothing.

about two weeks ago the parasite on my back faded to black. it seemed as if the writer's block without warning had left as quietly as it had come. i was ready. i wanted to write. i wanted to go back to the time where daily posts were more near the norm.

than disaster struck. not huge and explosive disasters in the biblical since. no voice of god. no floods. no ark. no, the disaster was in a much more personal sense.

i found myself intimidated by the prospect of writing and of blogging.

a million and a half ideas were fighting to be first in line and yet i could not get one idea written. not by hand. nor by keyboard.

sure in my head each and everyone was an award winning kick ass piece. the problem was that the translation was failing. i was unable to take the seed from my brain creating magic in the process. i would sit and stare at the monitor unable to commit to any combination of words that might have a chance of working.

writer's block i can deal with. been there and done that hundreds of times. intimidation though was new. i have enough anxiety in my life without writing, which has been my escape, becoming entangled in my cornucopia of fears.

i figured i had two choices give up writing or fight through this and not be intimidated. i chose the latter. fighting through it means that some of what i post will at least in my eyes be crap. which is where the problem lies my internal editor is the one who is intimidated and rejecting everything. i have no clue at this point what is good and what isn't. therefore i will toss my words onto the blogger breeze and let them fall where they may.