The Hidden Dangers of Ding-Dong Ditch

Fall 1974: I was attempting for what felt like the 13th time to fight my way through the second chapter of my high school algebra book. I was not then nor am I now a math person. I hate math. I am math phobic. You get the picture. So as I struggled to make sense out of algebra the doorbell rang. I put down my book and went to open the door. No one was there.

Great.

I returned to my studies and just as I was finding a little glimmer of understanding buried in my sub conscious the doorbell rang again. Bam, just like that my breakthrough disappeared. I went to the door and once again no one was there.

Just what a struggling math student needs, an uninvited practical joker. I thought about surprising my prankster but my math book was calling out to me and I really needed to get a handle on today's assignment.

My butt had barely touched the chair when the bell rang for a third time. I flew to the window and barely caught a glimpse of my neighbor SD running around the corner of the house. Mystery solved, I now knew who my joker was. SD was on of the more annoying kids on the block. Once he began a round of ding-dong ditch he rarely stopped until he had ramped the annoyance level to new highs.

Knowing his habits I decided that math could wait and that it was time to teach him a lesson. So I stood by the front door waiting for the next ring of the bell. I did not have to wait long. Not more than a minute had passed before the bell rang again. SD was so predictable. I flung open the door, SD through me a surprised glance and sprinted up the street toward his house. I flew out the door knowing I would have no problems catching him.

Big mistake.

Unbeknownst to me my little brother had left his skateboard on the front porch. I took one step out the door and my foot hit the skateboard and I flew up into the air like an extra from an old keystone kops movie. The flying was great it was my landing that was the problem.

There was a shrub next to our porch that had been planted by the previous owners. For support he had wire an iron bar to the plant. I fell into the plant and the bar went through my left armpit. I lay there in shock for a short moment then gently raised myself off of the bar. At this point my anger at SD dissipated and my concern turned towards my own well being. I was not bleeding to badly but it hurt like hell.

I called my mother at work and she came home to take me to the ER. After a tetanus shot and a few stitches I was as good as new. However the doctor did mention in passing that I was a very lucky young man. It seems that the bar basically scraped without damaging a main artery. If the artery had torn I would have bled out before the ambulance or my mother could have made it to the house.

So beware even a seemingly innocent game like ding-dong ditch can have insidious consequences.