I Miss

I miss the innocence of my youth, when the world was still a magical place, which filled the heart of this child with wonder.

I miss midnight mass on Christmas Eve. The church filled with smiling faces, carols sung off key but with great gusto and a story that was accepted by a young boy whose faith was still strong. I miss laying bed straining my ears hoping to hear the sound of sleigh bells dreaming of the north pole as I drifted off to sleep. I miss waking up Christmas morning and seeing the tree glow with the magic of the holiday, the floor covered with presents while I slept. I miss discovering an overflowing stocking hung from the fireplace with fruits and nuts cascading onto the floor. I miss the holiday air that was heavy with the smell of homemade cinnamon rolls, hot chocolate and the beginnings of a Christmas feast.

I miss the Disneyland I knew as a youth before I understood how the rides were created. When It's a Small World was not an annoying song but a magical journey around the world. I miss how the eyes of my younger self never noticed the strings or the cracks or the fading paint. When upon entering the world of Peter Pan I could actually believe I was soaring over the rooftops of London with Peter and Jane. When exploring Tom Sawyers Island meant I could lose myself in the stories of Tom, Huck and Becky. I miss riding the Adventures of Snow White and clinging to my mother because I was afraid the evil witch was going to snatch me from the car. Most of all I miss seeing the park through the eyes of innocence and not the cynical eyes I possess today.

I miss the awe I felt watching the Wizard of Oz once a year on network television. How we would plan the whole weekend around Sunday night. I miss losing myself in Oz, running down the yellow brick road with Dorothy and Toto, the Tinman, the Scarecrow and the Cowardly Lion. I miss magic a movie like the Wizard of Oz could create. Videotapes and DVD's have removed some of the awe from moviemaking.

I miss the days when baseball cards were just cards to be traded and stuck between the spokes of our bicycles. When major leaguers took the time after every game to sign autographs for their youngest fans. Before collectors and speculators ruined that moment for the youth of today. I miss being able to recite the entire major league roster for the Dodger's, today with free agency and a win now attitude the players turn over so quickly no one stays around long enough to become a fan favorite.

I miss the first times most of all. The first time I read the Outsider's and how in one brief moment of enlightenment I saw how characters from a book could capture you heart, mind and soul. I remember the tears streaming down my face when Johnny died. Since that time I have read my old beat up copy of the Outsiders at least a hundred times. Each reading brings about different thoughts and emotions but no matter how many times I have read it nothing can replicate the joy of the first time.

I do miss the innocence of my youth but as I look around at my life today there is still magic and wonder around every corner. All it takes is a little pixie dust and the ability to put away my grown up cynicism and look at the world through the eyes of my inner child.