trapped

within his mind he is conscious of his fate. trapped within a body in which alzheimer’s has become the dominant force. like a man trapped within a sound proof room, he can make all the noise he wants but no one can here him scream. within he remembers all that is passed but by all appearances that which once was him has gone. to those who love and care for him: he remembers walking, he no longer walks. he remembers singing, he no longer sings. he remembers recipes, he no longer cooks. he remembers baseball, he no longer plays. he remembers swimming in the river, he no longer swims. he remembers his childhood home, he no longer remembers the room in which he spends his days. he remembers 1946, he does not know it is 2005. he remembers fear, he is still gripped by fear. each sound brings terror. what is that round object on the wall that tick, tocks the day away? what is that square device hanging above, with flashing light and moving people? who is that person sitting by the bed repeating hi dad over and over? why are they in the room? he wonders, where are my parents, forgetting they have been gone for twenty years. where are my siblings, forgetting they to are gone. he wonders why he has been abandoned. left alone in this place with strangers poking his arms. washing him. dressing him. feeding him. within he cries look at me. here within. it is still me. help me. help m. help. hel. he. h. .