Old Friends

While eating breakfast at Denny's I found myself watching an old timer eating by himself. He appeared to me to be rather lonely. Once he completed his meal he began writing a letter. This is the letter I imagined him writing.

Dearest Sedgwick:

In 87 years of friendship we have shared many adventures. Our friendship has survived two world wars, three divorces and countless other earth shattering events. From the sinking of the Titanic to the World Trade Center we saw it all. I cannot think of another human being who I would have chosen to share those years of friendship with.

Unfortunately, that friendship ended January 28, 2004 at 7:37 AM. I am no longer going to allow myself to share coffee or anything else with a cheap skinflint such as you.

Yesterday, at Denny's you used the same ruse for the umpteenth and final time. Upon finishing your meal you excused yourself and went outside for a smoke. Then as always you conveniently waited until I broke down and picked up the check yet again. Once more you promised to pay me back but I have yet to see one red cent. By my most current calculations you now owe me $197.82.

I forgave you for losing my first edition copy of John Steinbeck's East of Eden. I forgave you for ruining my autographed photograph of Lauren Bacall. I even forgave you for running off with my second wife Gertrude. (I couldn't stand her anyways.) However, I will not forgive or excuse your cheapness any longer.

Henceforth, this friendship is null and void until you pay me the sum of $197.82 which you now owe me; or until I am lonely enough to put up with your inability to open that wallet of yours again.

Sincerely,

Chester