Guardian Angel

About five years ago, I found myself driving home from work on a beautiful summer day. Nothing extraordinary had happened; it was just a typical day at Griffith Observatory. Before long I reached Los Feliz and found myself in traffic jam of epic proportions. Cars were backed up to the horizon.

If by chance you live in or have visited Los Angeles you know this is a common experience. Traffic jams are a fact of life.

As I sat in my car pondering how much of my life I had wasted inhaling car exhaust I began to feel rather sick. My head was hurting, I was having trouble breathing, and my chest began to feel tight. I thought for sure this was the big one and that I was about to give up the ghost in the middle of traffic.

At the time I did not own a cell phone so my first thought was to get out of traffic. I managed to make an illegal turn on to a side street. Part of me figured I should stop someone and have him or her call for help. The other part of me began a steady course of rationalization, its probably nothing, don't bother anyone you just have a bad case of heartburn.

Heartburn won so I tracked down the nearest grocery store to purchase some antacids. As I looked for the medicine aisle I began to feel worse. I was on the verge of asking someone to call the paramedics for me when I noticed a shopper in a nurses uniform.

Putting vanity and pride aside I approached her with the intention of asking for her assistance. I apologized for my intrusion and explained to her my symptoms and my fear that I was in the middle of a heart attack.

Rather than be put off her eyes filled with concern and she proceeded to lead me to the pharmacy area where they had one of those blood pressure machines. She checked my blood pressure and found it to be 210/145, which is very high for me. That really put the fear of God into me and I was all for heading straight for the nearest hospital. My nurse however suggested that I sit down and take some deep breaths and see if that would calm me and lower my blood pressure. I followed her instructions and slowly I began to feel better. After about ten minutes by blood pressure was almost normal.

I was perplexed as to what could have caused this but she explained that it was quite possible that being stuck in traffic had triggered some type of panic attack. I had never experienced a panic attack before but who was I to argue I was feeling better. I thanked her for her assistance and told her that I felt like I would be okay.

However as soon as she went back to her shopping all of my symptoms returned. I tracked her down and told her I did not want to be alone so she let me tag along while she finished her shopping. As long as she was within my sight I felt almost normal, if I lost sight of her up went the blood pressure.

Upon completing her shopping I went with her out into the parking lot. We sat and chatted awhile but I could not get over the fear that if she left all of my symptoms would return. My nurse did not feel comfortable leaving me but we could not stay in the parking lot all night. While discussing what I could do, I found out that she lived just down the freeway from me. Upon realizing this she offered to follow me home and to ensure that I arrived safely.

Before I returned to my car she reached into her trunk and handed my a teddy bear. She said that she kept extras there for patients who did not receive many visitors. Handing it to me she advised me to squeeze it if I felt panicky and it would help me get home okay.

With her following me I finally made it home safely. As for my nurse or as I call her my guardian angel that was the one and only time I saw her.

Postscript: as it turns out my nurse was correct I was having a panic attack. I have sense been diagnosed with panic disorder and am taking medication to control the attacks.