Mr. B and the Book Reports

Mr. B was my English teacher during my senior year in high school. To be honest though he really did not have to do much teaching. His class was basically a throw away class for those students who had completed their English requirements and were looking to kill 45 minutes.

The class was simply called "Book Reading". The requirements for the class were simple. Read at least one book a week and turn in a book report. Class time consisted of quiet reading and/or the writing of the reports.

Being an avid reader and somewhat competitive I asked Mr. B what the record was book reports in a school year. He informed me that the most reports he had ever received were thirty-one. No problem I told him, the record will soon belong to me. He wished me luck and I began hitting the books.

The previous record of thirty-one books fell before Christmas break. However I wanted to ensure that record was unattainable by future generations. So I kept reading and completing book reports and by the time May rolled around I had read over seventy-five books.

My biggest problem was scrounging new material to read. I had read most of the books in the school library and I was working so my visits to the public library were few and far between. Desperate times call for desperate measures so I began to delve into my mother's book collection. No big deal really, except for my mother's taste running towards Jacqueline Susann, Harold Robbins and Danielle Steele. Not the best writers in the world but they were essential contributors to my setting a record that as far as I know remains unbroken.

Whenever I approached his desk Mr. B would glance at the paper in my hand and roll his eyes when he saw the title of my latest book report. Every now and then I would mix in some classics so he would not think my mind was perpetually in the gutter. However, no matter what I read he did not comment nor make any mention of my choices. He would just smile and enter another mark in his ledger.

In fact the only mention he ever made was when he signed my senior annual. He wrote:

Darrell,

In spite of the fact that you've reported on more pornographic books than any other kid, I've enjoyed having you in my class.

Best Regards,

Mr. B