General Patton

I noticed him while waiting in line to place my order. Friday afternoon and the lunch rush was on. Usually, I eat lunch later to avoid the lines but circumstances left me without options.

He was elderly. Maybe seventy-five. Unshaven with a soiled baseball cap pulled low over his eyes. His jeans were worn and his sweater had definately seen better days. He appeared to be harmless but from the look in his eyes it was rather obvious that the elevator had not reached the top floor in many years.

Looking at the menu required focusing my attention in his direction which I immediately sensed was a mistake. He threw me a half-assed salute as if he knew me. Pretending not to see I returned my attention to the book I was reading until it was my time to order.

In looking for a free table I was not surprised to find the only one available was near my new friend. My fellow diners had picked up the same vibe as me and I appeared to be the loser in a grown game of musical chairs.

Dispensing my soda I sat at my table and returned to my book. Despite my best effort to lose myself in the pages I could hear shuffling behind me and knew without looking I would soon have company.

With a quiet sigh I looked up to find him standing before me, with a hoarse whisper he asked if he could join me. When I did not immediately respond he removed a picture of an elderly woman sitting on Santa's lap, set it beside me and walked away.

I vainly tried to decipher his intentions without success. Moments later he returned, stood at attention before me and this time threw me a rather crisp salute.

"May I join you General Patton sir."

Glancing around I failed to find who he was addressing until much to my chagrin I realized it was me. Left without options, my choice was to be rude or to humor him. Choosing to humor him I allowed him to join me in hopes he would grow bored and leave.

Than I made the mistake of coughing.

"General sir, are you ill? Why are you coughing?"

I mumbled that I had bronchitis.

"Are you still smoking general?"

"No I do not smoke. I have never smoked. You have me confused with someone else."

"But general what about the lung cancer, I told you stop smoking or it will kill you."

Exasperated but in control I informed my friend that he was confused. I did not have cancer. I never smoked and that he was confusing me with someone else.

"He looked at me as if he had lost his best friend. General I don't know why you are doing this. You know me. You know my girlfriend in this picture." He pointed at the woman on Santa's lap. "You dressed as Santa for this picture. You know she lives right across the way."

With that he gave me a look of disgust. He picked up his picture and without a word walked out the door.

Needless to say in the future I will return to avoiding the lunch hour rush.