Footprints

He strode the sandy beach barefoot and lost in thought, oblivious to the sounds of the crashing surf and the beauty of the setting sun. Around him children built sand castles and young lovers whispered promises soon forgotten in the heat of a summer evening.

For him though there were just his footprints in the sand stretching out behind him. He walked with a purpose but without direction. His walking was an exercise of frustration. If his mind had been his own he would have spent today anywhere but here. Browsing the used bookstores in North Hollywood or watching the horses at Santa Anita the possibilities were endless and closed to him. His mind was not his own and fate had ensured that he would spend today of all days walking the sands of Laguna Beach.

One year ago today on this very beach she had walked out of his life never to be heard from again. Ahead of him he could see the cliffs where they had sat together on what he had assumed would be one of the happiest days of his life.

He had arrived before her spreading out a blanket for the two of them to share while they watched the sunset. Gourmet sandwiches had been prepared and placed in a picnic basked along with a bottle of cider since neither one of us drank. The surf was soothing and she was beautiful walking across the sand, shoes in her hand and blonde hair dancing in the summer breeze.

She had sat with him nibbling at her sandwich and sipping cider, for him the excitement had been too much and his appetite had fled. As the sun disappeared from the sky they huddled together and watched as a sky filled with diamonds appeared. Taking that as his cue he removed a ring from his pocket and asked her to be his forever.

She had taken his hand and with tear filled eyes she had whispered words that his ears were not ready to hear.

"I love you, but no I cannot marry you. If only life were that simple I would run off to Vegas with you tonight and if only words could explain my reasons I would save you from so much pain. Maybe someday you will understand. Until than hate me if you must but believe that my heart will always be yours."

He was stunned. He had been so sure of her answer that when she said no he had no response no words, no argument. He had stood up, dusted the sand from his clothes and walked away leaving her, the blanket, the food and the ring behind. That night he had driven up and down Pacific Coast Highway for hours. No music on the radio just him and his thoughts. Dawn brought him no closer to peace. So he went home and tried to move on. Sure he worked hard and hung out with the guys on the weekend, but she never wondered far from his thoughts. As much as he hated to admit it his heart and soul still belonged to her.

He came back to himself and found he was passing the cliff where they had sat last year. A few couples sat nearby in the sand and he silently wished them better luck than his. He reached the tide pools and climbed up on one of the rocks just in time to catch the end of the sunset. He closed his eyes and felt the damp ocean breeze caress his face but fail to ease the turmoil of his soul.
With a sigh he lay back on the rock and watched as the night gave birth to sky filled with stars. He must have dozed off because the crashing surf foretelling the incoming tide jolted him awake.

He sensed her presence before she spoke.

"Do you mind if I sit down?"

He did not trust himself to speak so he indicated his consent with a nod. She was still just as beautiful and it tore at his soul to know that she was lost to him forever. His mind whirled in confusion why was she here, then looking down he saw his ring in her hand and he knew she was just returning his ring. His last shreds of hope crumbled and his eyes filled with silent tears.

She turned the ring over and over in her hand and quietly she began to speak. "I almost turned around and walked away when I saw you sitting on this rock. I did not know if I had the courage to face you. I couldn't though; I couldn't walk away again without at least speaking to you and explaining my actions. I loved you then and when tonight when I saw you sitting in the moonlight on that rock I knew I loved you still."

My heart leapt and I began to speak but she put a finger to my lips and asked me to allow her to finish.

"You have to realize we had only known each other two months and there was a lot you did not know about me. Just before we met I spent two months in rehab. I am an alcoholic and I had spent exactly two weeks clean and sober before you walked into my life. Over our time together I found it very easy to stay away from the bottle but that was with you. I needed to know if I could live a sober life on my own. No crutches, no excuses just me against Jack Daniels. I am sorry I had to be so harsh but it was the only way I could test myself. You are a good man and I know you would have attempted to convince me to stay. I couldn't. I had to know if the war was over or if it was just a temporary cease-fire. That’s it. That’s my big secret. I am now and will always be an alcoholic but for one year and two and a half months I have been a sober one. I know now I can stand on my own."

She held up my ring and the diamond sparkled in the moonlight. She looked at him with soft, tear filled eyes. "I loved you yesterday, I love you today and if you will have me I want to love you tomorrow and forever more."

I opened my arms and she stepped into them. Without a word I kissed her and placed my ring on her finger where it belonged. Arm in arm we walked back along the beach where a few hours before I had walked alone. My footprints had been washed away by the incoming tide but behind us in the glittering sand were the first footprints we had created in our new life together.