Phoenix

Candlelight danced with the shadows, a waltz to music only the spirits could hear. Victoria sat in her grandmother's rocker wrapped in a quilt draped with one of her favorite books "Rapture in Death" open on her lap.

In the fireplace logs from the maple tree that had come down in the big windstorm cracked and popped with delight. Providing the room with warmth and a sense of home. The comfort that surrounded her was lost on Victoria as tears slipped from her eyes and fell to the unread pages below.

Her heart and soul were still trying to come to grips with the end of her most recent romance. Everything had been going so well. Life with him had been filled with candlelit dinners, walks in the surf and dancing in the moonlight to the crooning sounds of Sinatra. All she had ever dreamed of. Now there was an empty place at the table, cold sand between her toes and a phonograph needle soundlessly spinning.

Victoria had come here to her little hideaway in Vermont to examine her life and attempt to rebuild her broken heart. Introspection was not her forte and she found it difficult to do more than feel sorry for herself. Reviewing the broken battleground of her fractured relationships was a task best suited for an archeologist not a thirty-year-old woman who still believed in fairy tales and the eminent arrival of Prince Charming.

Experience was said to be one of life's great teachers. All she had to show for her dive into the fast lane of love was a heart that had been portioned and broken so many times that it had begun to resemble a geologists guide to fault zones. Apparently she had failed to learn anything from her experience except how to continue to make the same mistake over and over again.

If the past continued to repeat itself she would not even have to live through the relationship the plot points were as apparent as the story line for every teen horror movie ever made. She would return to the city. For a few weeks her and the girls would spend their weekends dining, drinking and clubbing. One day a new pretty boy would rear his handsome head. Her lust would overrule both her mind and a new relationship would spring to life. They would embark on several weeks of whispered passion and midnight rendezvous'. Before long her mind would brainwash her heart into believing that her latest boy toy was the one. Mr. Boy Toy would have other ideas however and as soon as she became serious he would find a reason to move on.

Suddenly Victoria slammed the cover of her book shut. She threw the quilt to the floor and began to roam the room snuffing the flame on each and every candle. In her mind she began repeating a new mantra, "no more, no more, no more." She went to the closet and removed several shoe boxes filled with dusty memories of yesterdays broken hearts. Sitting on the floor near the fire Victoria began to systematically open the boxes, remove the trinkets, photographs, and letters tossing them one by one into the fire. As each box was emptied her soul began to feel just a bit lighter. Her phonebook was the next to feel the heat of her hearts fury. Phone numbers and email addresses sacrificed to the goddess of lost dreams.
Turning from the fire Victoria went to the hallway grabbed a sweater and ventured out into the moonlit night. Head down she began walking one foot in front of the other; mile after mile, until she reached the maple trees that marked the end of her property. She sat with her back against an old boulder still warm from the day's sun. The night sky called and her mind responded soaring amongst the stars searching for truth.

In her soul however the truth was there for the taking. In the darkness Victoria began to see the light. Forgiveness was the first step on the road she hoped to travel. Her heart was heavy with the bitterness she felt towards her past lovers. That bitterness must be discarded. Her heart was scarred with self inflicted wounds not the fault of those who left but the fault of the one who made choices out of fear rather than love. As awareness of her own culpability came to the surface the scars on her heart softened and began the slow healing process.

Out of the ashes of Victoria's damaged heart a phoenix began to rise. Shedding the wounds of yesterday and embracing the hope of tomorrow. In the silence of a winter's night she was finally beginning to understand the melody to her souls song. She and only she was responsible for her string of broken hearts. By allowing the "it" factor of society to define for her the meaning of love and beauty she had abdicated the free will she had received from her creator. She had surrendered to fear and accepted loneliness.

Looking up at the full moon Victoria shouted her new mantra for the world to hear "no more." From this moment forward I will live with love and cast aside fear. My heart, mind and soul will walk in solidarity together as one awash in the light of my newfound understanding. And God willing somewhere along this road I will find a pilgrim who like me is on a quest for a soul who's melody will blend seamlessly with theirs. Until that day though I will be content to lose myself in the rhythms of the universes song.