A Single Mom's Quest for Love

I was five years old when my mother reached the end of her rope and came to the conclusion that my father’s dance with alcoholism was beginning to consume him. He packed his bags and my mother began the long, lonely journey of a single mom.

This was in 1965 when divorce had yet to become an everyday occurrence. Especially if one had been indoctrinated by the priests and nuns at your local parish. Alcoholism, abuse, neglect none of these were acceptable reasons for divorce. Even when the couple concerned signed the final civil resolution ending their marriage the church did not recognize the event. In the eyes of mother church you were still married and God forbid if you chose to remarry. Such a choice was a mortal sin in the eyes of the church and could lead to your excommunication.

Life for a single mother of three is never easy but it was especially difficult in those days. My mom had to go from part time employment to full time employment in order to keep a roof over our heads and food in our stomach.

My father was putting the money he earned into his alcohol habit and never seemed to get around to paying his child support. Nor did he make regular appearances to visit us kids. I was older and lucky enough to spend time with him at least once in a blue moon. However, he never did anything with my brother and sister.

So mom was a parent-of-all-trades. Den mother, tutor, costume maker, chef, breadwinner, tear drier, tucker inner, and full time employee. How she managed I will never understand. I never saw them but I was sure that she must have had fifty arms and eyes in the back of her head to accomplish all that she did.

On top of everything else she was a twenty-five year old woman still in search of Mr. Right.

Being good looking with a great personality made it fairly easy to meet men. Having three children ages 6, 2 and 1 at home made it even easier to scare them away.

First dates were a dime a dozen where as second dates were few and far between. It seems that having kids was a liability no matter how many other assets you have to offer. My mom’s standards were high though and she refused to just settle. She wanted someone who would not only love her but also treat us better than carry on luggage.

After a few years of dating she began seeing R. He was a bit older than her and he seemed to have a lot to offer. He made good money. He owned his own house. He had his private pilot license and would fly her to places like Santa Barbara for dinner. He was perfect in every area except one. He treated us kids like we were shadows in the corner. The less he saw of us and the quieter we were the happier he was.

With everything else going so well my mom kept hoping that R would change his ways and accept us as a bonus to the package he was most interested in. Of course as time passed and nothing changed he continued to ignore us and only reluctantly invite us on any of the trips he took with mom.

R and my mom were regulars at the local BPOE (Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks). Friday nights they served dinners and there was usually dancing after with the music either provided by a live band or by quarters fed into the jukebox.

One night my mom happened to notice a flyer announcing a family trip to Palm Springs that included a ride to the top of the mountain on the Aerial Tramway. My mom overly optimistic as usual turned to R and said something about how much fun a trip like that would be. R being his usual dense self offered to make a weekend of it, if she could find a babysitter for us. Disappointed she muttered something about how it would be fun to take us.

Surrendering to the inevitable she returned her attention to her drink when she heard a southern accented voice to her left.

“I would be happy to take you and your kids.”

Turning my mom looked into the eyes of her future and liked what she saw. Without hesitation she told J yes and turned her back on R forever.

We went that weekend to Palm Springs and had a wonderful time. My mom and J began spending all of their free time together and before long they ran off to Vegas to get married.

The happiest years of my mom’s life were spent with J. From the moment they met until the day in 1987 that he passed away she had by her estimation at least the perfect man.