Tears not Allowed

My stepfather was born in 1928 and raised in Texas. Two lessons that he took to heart from his childhood were racism and what he felt defined a man. His views on race changed long before he died. He learned to accept his fellow man for who he was and not to judge them by their race or creed. However his definition of manhood never wavered.

We did not always see eye to eye. I respected and loved him but I did not always accept what he said as gospel. His definition of manhood was not complicated, fix your own car, pay your own way and never under any circumstances should you show your emotions to the world or for that matter even to your own family.

He used to tell his friends that I would cry at the drop of a hat. He would than drop the hat to prove it. Sadly, more times than not I would end up crying because I hated it when he teased me. I never took his teasing well. He would tease. I would cry, which only led to his teasing me more.

It used to bother me, but now as an adult I can better understand where he was coming from. Teasing was the only emotional tool he could use to show he cared. He could not come right out and say I Love You. It was not in his blood, he was not built that way. In a way his emotions were stuck in 4th grade mode. Where kids tease their friends and family to show they care. He just did not know any better.

As for myself I was and I still am an emotional being. I'm not ashamed to admit that I cry. I cried when Old Yeller died. I cry at weddings and I cry at funerals. I have cried in movie theaters and I have cried to myself while reading a good book. I cried when my heart was broken and I cried when my children were born. I have never hid my emotions and I never will. I wear my tears with pride.